I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I lost the right to judge tonight
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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