he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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