I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
i now understand why vodka
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
