Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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