mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
