based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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