# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
