I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I just put wine in my tea
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
