If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
