dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
