wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
