maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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