I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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