How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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