I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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