I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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