3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
