I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
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