the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
