Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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