bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
