I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
