The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
