going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
