the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize