i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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