How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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