Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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