Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
