Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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