nut hugger
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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