I just pynch a tree in the face
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
