Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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