You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
