why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
True college students do jello shots in the library
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
