I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
