I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
