highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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