I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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