Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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