Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
