I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
