I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
