somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
