I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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