well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
