That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
