think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
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You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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