fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
