How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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