Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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