Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
