Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
