New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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