Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?