Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(913): View more from Kansas

No, drunk sperm still make babies.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.

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(323): View more from California

dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning

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(214): View more from Texas

could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(360): View more from Washington

well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"

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(650): View more from California

It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo

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(+61): View more from Australia

You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.

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