Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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