No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I need a hoe opinion
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.