When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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