True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.