Texts From Last Night

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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?

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  (651): Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women? http://tfl.nu/yufj
  Replies (23) Good night (2378) Bad night (1204)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Being persistent has its perks my friend.

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  (609): I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking. (215): Being persistent has its perks my friend. http://tfl.nu/wzcm
  Replies (11) Good night (3727) Bad night (544)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage

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  (267): like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage http://tfl.nu/h40b
  Replies (96) Good night (3759) Bad night (5339)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...

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  (360): I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds... http://tfl.nu/1y93
  Replies (16) Good night (1414) Bad night (6164)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime

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  (918): We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime http://tfl.nu/yqbs
  Replies (24) Good night (4248) Bad night (1048)
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  (315): View more from New York

  at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache

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  (315): at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache http://tfl.nu/jjc2
  Replies (14) Good night (1238) Bad night (4120)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.

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  (807): If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend. http://tfl.nu/60cd
  Replies (13) Good night (2444) Bad night (839)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.

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  (224): That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass. http://tfl.nu/rpga
  Replies (11) Good night (677) Bad night (1090)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.

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  (901): Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking. http://tfl.nu/5z7b
  Replies (11) Good night (1375) Bad night (927)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.

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  (586): He played pinball with my ovaries. He won. http://tfl.nu/otpy
  Replies (8) Good night (1578) Bad night (666)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.

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  (406): Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me. http://tfl.nu/igpq
  Replies (5) Good night (757) Bad night (489)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens

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  (505): on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens http://tfl.nu/9djh
  Replies (1) Good night (1520) Bad night (464)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.

  (1-509): View more from Washington

  Yes talking about pockets is classic me.

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  (509): You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away. (1-509): Yes talking about pockets is classic me. http://tfl.nu/k75f
  Replies (0) Good night (1102) Bad night (409)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash

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  (269): We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash http://tfl.nu/cbce
  Replies (3) Good night (1062) Bad night (342)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.

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  (717): He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire. http://tfl.nu/b1n8
  Replies (2) Good night (301) Bad night (487)

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