He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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