when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
