Betty ford says i'm here all night
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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